Random Thoughts

Buddy is 46, a little dumpy looking, wears a fur hat throughout the entire test and has a license plate on his PT Cruiser that says "FUN CAR". He only did well enough on his parking because I had a little grace on the number of his unnecessary repositions and when I get in the car and tell Buddy that he needs to listen more carefully to my instructions he replies that he has a problem with his attention span.

I am kinda peeved at Buddy, not just because he wasn't paying attention but also because we could have started on time but his mother who came with him doesn't want to walk by herself to the Goodwill store or the mall. I notice the handicap tag on the seat so I give him the OK to drive his mom to the mall as long as he hustles. Then Buddy tells me he also needs to go to the bathroom. Well, I need to go as well and won't have a chance because we are going to be running late so I tell him that he is just going to have to buck it up. Buddy talks 10 minutes dropping off his mother and I'm pretty sure going to the bathroom. At this point I decide that I will deprive Buddy of my wit and good nature and will only talk when I need to give instructions.

But Buddy seems to have an unusual problem with with his brain. When ever his Cruiser hits even the tiniest of bumps it must set off a spark somewhere in his brain which leads him to make these random comments.

Bump:

"My uncle fought in Guam during WWII. Got 7 bullet holes in him. I guess you could say I'm from a military family." ME - "Um."

Bump:

"Looks like that Packeo, Mayweather fight is going down." ME - "Um."

Bump:

"Urban Meyer use to be an assistant coach for Lou Holtz who once was an assistant for Woody Hayes." ME - "Um."

Bump:

"I've been thinking a lot lately about some cheerleaders I use to date. One was beautiful. She looked just like Elizabeth Taylor. I was considering hooking up with one of them but I don't want them to think I was a stalker or something." ME - "Oh dear!"

Bump:

I went to Coopersville High School. Two of the teachers there were brilliant. It was just like going to college." ME - "Um."

Bump:

"Lived in Phoenix for a year. Dated a girl there who was full blood Polish, direct from Warsaw." ME - "Full Blood Polish? Um."

Bump:

"I didn't go to college. My family is all into working construction." ME - "So you work construction"  BUDDY - "Nope, factory job."

The test ends, Buddy passes. I give him his certificate. As I'm getting out of his fun car Buddy remarks; "I guess Angie Harmon and Sarah Jessica Parker, my two favorite actresses, are getting divorced." ME - "Were they married to each other?" Buddy belly laughs, looks at me like I'm the odd one and says; "Of course not!" ME - "Um."