Jackie use to test primarily at the CenterPoint location. The clientele, apart from the East Grand Rapids kids who would drive up in their parent's BMW's, Lexus, Mercedes, Prius and Volvos, were a mixture of Bosnians (the average 17 year old Bosnian looks at least 22), Northern Africans (where I believe judging by performance that there is a total of about 20 miles of paved road in all of Northern Africa), Arabs (slightly more paved roads) and foreign students from nearby Calvin College (most borrow cars from other foreign students who are not aware that the vehicle needs to be insured).
From this group she got a guy who was a prominent journalist in his African country who was imprisoned and tortured for several years because of a change in political leadership until he was released because of a request from the prime minister of South Africa. He still had visible scars on his body. When Jackie related the story I was so jealous I think I almost shared his pain.
But now my precious wife is doing all of her testing at the Hudsonville location where 90% of the people that come to be tested are white and under the age of 18. Let me list the names of the people she tested last Saturday: Jacob, Joshua, Taylor, another Jacob, Bethany, Abigail and Jordan. And can you believe it, not a single one needed a translator.
I on the other hand regularly get guys like Leroy who is 28 and has been in and out of prison since he was 16. Leroy shows up yesterday in a Cadillac STS with tinted windows and his driver's seat tilted way back. He is short and slight of build and can barely see over the dash but he looks good. He has been released from prison for 3 years and had accumulated over $8,000 in driving fines since then. Although he only works occasionally thru a temp service he was some how able to pay off what he owed and came in to be tested.
Since he is the only one of the day who I think might have seen the Michigan game Monday I ask him if he watched. "I'm not really into sports. I only watch the big games." After I tell him that the game last night was one of those I asked if there were any TV shows he was interested in. "I love the show Duck Dynasty. Willie thinks he runs everything but he doesn't control nothing. Cy always talks about Viet Nam but he's a big lair. One time he was taking Miss Kay's grill to get fixed and forgot to tie it on the back of his pickup. When he got there it was gone and so he says that someone must have stole it. I love Miss Kay. No one tells her what to do." Listing to inner city Leroy explain Duck Dynasty is a treat I would pay for.
Yet even from the vanilla at Hudsonville Jackie occasionally scores a good one. Peter was 25 and had been a hobo since he was 17. He got started when his buddy suggested they hop on the next train and see where it would take them. Peter was involved in the Goth sub culture and train hopping was part of that. They switched from one train to another but just before arriving in Texas they heard that people were getting arrested there so they took the next ride back home. The Goths dress in all black and Peter learned not to do that in his life as a hobo because the ones that dress in all black "are some really bad dudes." He gave up the hobo life at age 25 for the simple reason that "my body was just wearing out".
I was jealous of Jackie for about a week until Jesse showed up. Jesse was in his mid 50's and needed to take a driver's test because he had been hospitalized for 4 years with a failing liver so his license had expired. He had worked in Florida for most of his life as a surveyor. Jesse told me right up front that he was bitten three different times by rattlesnakes. The venom actually ended up destroying his liver.
I asked what it was like getting bit by a rattlesnake. "The first time I thought I was going to die. The rattlesnake doesn't want to eat you so they only inject a little bit of venom to protect themselves. You'd be dead for sure if they gave you a full dose. I got to the hospital where they took care of me. The second time I wasn't as scared because I knew I wasn't going to die and the third time I thought, Oh crap, I'm going to miss a day of work."
Jesse told me he has stepped on alligators a few times, encountered bears and one time was neck deep in water when a water moccasin snake swam toward him. "Did the only thing that came to my mind. Grabbed him by the neck." "I guess I get in trouble because I will take the jobs no one else wants."
"Didn't the heat in Florida bother you?" I asked. "You must be able to get use to it."
"There wasn't a day when I didn't have sweat dripping down the middle of my back and down my butt crack. It was never pleasant."
"Mosquitos bother you?"
"There are always mosquitoes. You learn to just ignore them."
"Don't you use deet?"
"No, too much is bad for you."
"Yah, probably bad for your liver too."
"Ha Ha. The thing that did bother me were the spiders. I've been bit by all kinds. Still have a large cyst on my shoulder from a brown recluse bite." Seems that the only thing to worry Jesse was if his daughter found out that he was taking a road test.
The upside to Jesse's work was that he was one of the few people to have seen the extremely rare ghost orchid in bloom. The locations for most ghost orchards are keep secret because of the danger posed by poachers. Jesse told me about some of the surveying work he had like the one needing a special 3D laser machine that he used for Disney World to help them design the layout of a new ride. All in all a great story.
Ghost Orchid
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