Write Your Pastor

Note:  My old world name in Dutch was BoBo which became shortened when my parents Americanized it.

Sometimes things provoke my brain to go off on tangents, which I may or may not verbalize.  A guy comes for a road test and I notice that his name is Donald Drake.  If your last name was Drake would you name your son Donald?  I was going to make a wise quack asking him where his blue sailor shirt, bow tie and nifty hat were, but kept quiet.  Same thing with a Miss Shirley Darling.  I really wanted to approach the car, and using my best Thurston Howell from Gilligan's Island voice say, "How are you doing today, Shirley Dal ling?"  Again I behaved.

However I slipped a little bit today with two of my customers.  Samantha would respond to everything I told her with "OK".  Eventually we got to the part in the driving test where I ask the three required questions.  I rephrased the 3rd question by asking, "If you hit something with your car do you want to hit it head on or side swipe it?".  Samantha responds "Yes".  I repeat the question and she answers even more firmly "Yes!".  This causes her mother, sitting in the back seat, to chuckle.  I look back at the mom and remark, "I only get them for 45 minutes, you have them all day."  Again the mom laughs.

Emboldened now I tell Samantha that I am going to reprogram her brain and the next time I give her directions the proper response is not OK but rather (and I use my Haley Mills from Pollyanna bad attempt at a British accent voice) "That is perfectly acceptable Sir."  A minute later I tell Samantha to turn right at the next intersection.  She doesn't say anything so I present my open hand to her and she actually does say, but without the accent, "That is perfectly acceptable Sir."  You can imagine how happy that made me.

Our next objective was getting onto the freeway.  I informed Samantha what to look for and when we got close she asked me, "Should I get on here?" to which I respond "That is perfectly acceptable Miss".  "Oh no!" I gasp, "You've now managed to reprogram me as well."  I didn't overdo this thread.  Even when on a tangent you need to know how to edit.

My second customer was a guy in his late 30's who moved to Michigan from Georgia fairly recently.   Somehow drinking and driving came up and Justin mentioned that he loves the Lord and doesn't drink.  I ask him where he goes to church and it turns out that it's the same place that one of my daughters goes to.  I didn't ask if he knew her because KCC has about 2500 members.  Justin did tell me that he is engaged to the secretary for the head pastor, which prompted this unsolicited commentary:

"You know Justin, she is probably the one who first sees those letters offering helpful advice to the pastor.  A large church like yours must get a dozen a week.  You should write some along the following line and see how long it takes for her to realize that they are not real.

Dear Pastor, I really like this church and have been coming for the last 3 weeks.  How come you have not found me to introduce yourself and shake my hand.  Signed, Bobo.

Dear Pastor, We need more organ music.  Guitars are nice but we need more organ music.  Signed, Bobo.

Dear Pastor, I've decided that pastors should not dress casual,  EVER!  Signed, Bobo.

(At this point I actually get a little smile from Justin, whom I'm not sure before now was realizing that I was not being totally serious).

Dear Pastor, It has now been seven weeks and you've yet to mention Hell.  Signed, Escaped from the flames, Bobo.

Dear Pastor, I have some great ideas to improve your preaching.  Let's do lunch.  Signed, Your faithful servant, Bobo."

Here again I end the thread, perhaps going too long this time.  Oh well.