My Explaination To A Priest On Why He Failed His Driving Test

OK, he wasn't quite a priest yet.  Thursday Andrew (not Andy) leaves to complete his senior collegiate year at St. Thomas Seminary located in St. Paul, Minnesota.  I guess there are still 4 more years of priest prep to go for him.

Before we began our drive Andrew (not Andy) was very concerned about the number of points he could receive and still pass.  "How many points did I get?" Andrew (not Andy) asked after completing his parking maneuvers.  I told him he passed with just 3 points against him and that those points do not carry over into the driving portion.

"How many points can I get on the driving part and still pass?"  inquires Andrew (not Andy).  I tell him that 25 or fewer points are passing and that 26 or more will mean that he has to retake the exam, unless he fails for doing something really bad which also means a retake.

The young priest to be is progressing fine at the beginning of the drive.  His traffic checks are pretty good although not perfect and a couple of times he stops a little pass the required stop lines.  Then we get to busy 28th street and as we are approaching a red light just before the freeway Andrew (not Andy) is doing 40 with no clear indication that he sees the light or is going to stop.  This prompts my urgent request for him to stop which he does with a nice little squeal of the brakes.

Andrew (not Andy) tells me he is sorry for that and we go on, but not very much further because we happen to be about a half mile from where we started and his action means that we return to base without completing the route.

I tell Andrew (not Andy) that most driving mistakes, like missing traffic checks or going a little pass a stop line are like venial sins.  You can get a lot of them and still pass.  Big mistakes, like going through a stop light or having the examiner stop one from going through a stop light are like mortal sins.  They're bad.  Real bad.

I can see the light bulb go off in Andrew's (not Andy's) face.  "Oh, I failed the test?"  to which I reply; "I must confess you did."

Your Shorts Are Too Tight!

A young lass from a road test wanted to get her driver's license before having surgery to remove her gall bladder. I asked what the gall bladder did and she said that it acted as the body's filter. I then made up and sang her the following ditty;

The gall bladder's gone

my filter's wiped away

I'm free to let loose

in what ever I say.

For example . . .

And then I provided her with a couple of examples, evidently none of which was very funny.

Later on I was contemplating what it would be like not having to filter out what is really going on in my mind. Not that it would be a good thing because I am the type of person who likes to come up with quick and witty sayings and sometimes things get through my filter and I end up embarrassed and perhaps offending someone. But that's the point. Wouldn't it be nice to get a freebee every now and then and just blame it on your gall bladder?

My uncle Jack used to remark after saying something off color, “Pardon my french.” I could say that as well but I think it just might be better to blame my gall bladder instead of the French. They've suffered enough misunderstandings without me adding to their depression.

Friday I was on a test and the young woman and I were stopped at a light. On the back window of the mini van ahead of us were stick people and these were kinda strange so the girl explained that they depicted a zombie family. “See, they have two zombie adults, two zombie kids and three zombie pets.” Just then a guy is walking across the street in front of us who has an exaggerated limp and he is kinda dragging one foot along stiffed legged after the other and normally I would have thought, “Oh you poor guy” but instead I blurt out to the sweet young girl, “Oh my gosh, what are the odds, a real life zombie!” She laughed and I still apologized but now I have a back up plan; “Sorry, been having a little problem with my gall bladder lately”.

When people get older a lot of them tend to lose their ability to filter things out and they readily express what ever is at the front of their brains. My father stayed at a wonderful place the last years of his life and one day after a visit I stopped in one of the lounge areas to watch a women with a piano lead a group of mostly female residents in singing old time religious hymns. Undeterred an old woman I was standing next to in the back kept suggesting names of other, shall I say, more bawdy tunes. I still don't know if these tunes would have been for her enjoyment or if she had one baggy eye on me.

There is in our family a classic line that now will be remembered in more ways than one:

“Your shorts are too tight!”

The only explanation for the last time I heard that punch line (right in the middle of a funeral Mass) must have something to do with a malfunctioning gall bladder. But life is like that. You laugh, you groan, you claim your exemption and go on from there.

Suicide

It was at last a familiar voice

that plucked the sign of Spring

of hopes so grand the season's end

was startling

They came, they came

they never stopped

did beckon at the door

he gave them all they ever asked

they always wanted more

Perhaps it was a father's taunt

craved hunger for a friend

who entered in and never left

and caused the end

Perhaps it was a mother's thought

replaced with wild eyes

that comforted the inner boy

he so despised

We saw the man a child

the child then a man

and then were never quite so sure

again

He heard the voices every day

and even gave them names

would often quote their vicious rants

an easy game

And then despair came to the front

to whisper in the ear

now is the time you silly goat

to end your fear

You've known me when they crowned you king

your name across the sky

ours is a friendship forged with trust

so would I lie?

The clown wiped off his makeup

placed rubber nose just right

then heard the voices laughing

as he seized the night

Joy

Wouldn't it be nice that in this world filled with sickness, stress and conflict your life was one full of peace, happiness and joy? Looking at your particular circumstances or what is happening in this world you probably don't believe that it is possible to actually be filled with joy. Oh sure, maybe a little happiness here and a touch of satisfaction there, but to be really filled with joy?

One Christian religious leader recently presented a list of things you can do to have joy in your life. On his list were suggestions such as work for peace, respect nature, help the poor, give yourself to others, don't complain, don't force your religious views on others, don't judge and finally, keep Sunday as a family day. I thought it rather odd that missing from his list were the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, the true source of joy in a Christian's life. 

Yes, his was a discussion of things you can do and that is all well and good. But scripture presents joy as something brought about as the result of a relationship with God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control (Galatians 5:22) It is a fruit, a result of being connected to a sacred and living vine and as such it proclaims the true essence of it's maker.

There is a kingdom of darkness where there is no lasting joy and there is an eternal kingdom filled with joy. The two are in conflict. The eternal kingdom is not merely a place we long for, a pie in the sky hope, a pin prick of light that beckons us onward. It has come in the person and presence of Jesus and it will destroy all the enemy strongholds.

Isaiah 9 described it's promised coming. The people who walk in darkness will see a great light . . . You shall increase their gladness; they will be glad in your presence . . . For you shall break the yoke of their burden and the staff on their shoulders . . . For a child will be born to us, a son will be given to us; And the government will rest on His shoulders; And His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of Peace

Isaiah 55:12 predicts it's ultimate fulfillment. For you shall go out with joy and be led forth with peace; The mountains and the hills will break forth into shouts of joy before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.

Romans 8 also speaks of God's ultimate intention for us and creation. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the anxious longing of the creation waits eagerly for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God.

Joy then is not a matter of the conditions around us. We are not waiting for a Savior to come and for the revealing of His kingdom. He has come to us and in us and we are part of His plan for His creation here and now. We have entered His kingdom by faith but we also need to walk in faith and trust that His plans are just and true. Joy comes in spending time with Him. Joy comes in having a relationship with Him. Joy comes in seeing the world through eyes of faith.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I say rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all comprehension will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.  Romans 15:13

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you.  In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ;  and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls.  I Peter 1: 3-9

Dear friends, this is as real as it gets.  You are going through nothing that is beyond the power of the grace of God.  He made you, YOU!, with a capacity for great joy.  Spend time with Him in prayer and in the Word.  Praise Him even in the midst of your pain and confusion.  Listen to the leading of His Holy Spirit.  Let Him be the Lord of every part of you life.  May your tears be turned into tears of joy.  May His peace be with you always.

Joe Cool

My First Selfie!

After moving to Holland my commute changed from North/South to East/West.  Now I'm heading East into the sun in the morning and West into the sun on the way home.

Right now it's not so bad because the days are long and I don't have to leave that early or return yet into the setting sun.  But the days will come so I figured I had better get me a pair of sunglasses

Looking at myself in the mirror after my purchase I thought, "Hey, not so bad.  You've still got it old man."  Later that evening I even wore the sunglasses into Lowe's (must have forgot that I had them on).

The next day on the last leg of a road test a car passes us on Clyde Park Avenue.  I could hear it approaching because it was a beautiful day and our windows were down and there was some loud "screeching" throbbing from the passing vehicle.  In the vehicle were two young men who were loudly singing along with the screeching, bobbing their heads, and as they passed by the guy in the passenger wags his finger at us, in tune I'm sure if there was a tune, not to be mean but because he knew he looked so cool - sunglasses, special music, beautiful day.

Which made me chuckle thinking how cool I thought I looked strolling through Lowe's to buy 3 more gallons of 10X paint for our deck.  Lucky I didn't trip over anything in the semi-darkness because then pride really would come before my fall.

P.S.  I took about 6 selfie shots.  The ones with smiles just don't give off the right vibes.

The Surpassing Greatness of His Power

It was around 2^nd or 3^rd grade that I went to the school office at St. Francis de Sales to have the eye exam that was administered to everyone my age. Part of it was to look into a viewer and identify where the black dot was. One lens showed a table and the other showed a dot and we were to say if the dot was on, above, below or beside the table. At first I told the clinician the truth. My left eye saw the table, my right eye saw the dot and when I'm looking into the lens I do not see a dot and table together.

This did not seem to satisfy the person but it seemed easy enough to calculate where the dots were in relation to the position of the table and so that is what I did, then and a few other times in the future. Later on an eye doctor told me that I had what he liked to call “milk man eyes” - I could drive the milk truck while at the same time checking out my delivery addresses. So just be aware. If it doesn't seem that I'm paying attention to you I am, or at least one eye is.

I was reminded of that today at church. Not one to see the world through rose colored glasses our pastor passed out those 3D glasses which have one lens red and the other green. Near the end of his sermon he showed on the overhead screen the sermon series picture which depicts a bridge in a forested wilderness setting. The series is on Hebrews 11, the great faith chapter and the idea of the photo is that of heading out into the great unknown by faith. Well, in 3D I did not see the bridge coming toward me and the depth of the trees and branches and path. One eye saw a blurry picture in red and the other saw a blurry picture in green (much better by the way) but my brain would not put the two together. It was a little more complicated that tables and dots.

About a month ago I started desiring and praying to be able to see the spiritual aspects of this world with much greater clarity. Although I didn't realize until today the connection with the way my eyes work and the way I have been viewing the spiritual interaction with the physical I have been aware that there has been a disconnect. One of my eyes is much stronger than the other and it dominates, at least in real time, how I discern things. And because it dominates I am missing so much of what is actually going on. I need to both strengthen the other eye and to get both to work together so that I don't have to guess what the true picture is.

In my life, in my experience, God rarely comes out and gives me a clear answer right away on something that I've been praying or contemplating about. He seems to enjoy having me go through the process. I get a bit here and a bit there and then when it's time a bunch of random things come together, a key piece is added and I finally get a clear picture of what the answer is.

My conversion to actually know that God is, to faith in Jesus as my Savior and Lord, was a wild ride that happened over a few months. God was just too big to be able to understand. But a point of stress led to an earnest examination which ultimately led to the truth of the gospel. And yet drawing close I did not see clearly until I finally surrendered and He entered in. Oh what a glorious day that was!

The next few years he gave me understanding and insight that I certainly did not earn. I was available and He was pleased to bless me and take me along with Him. These came in pieces which were added to other pieces until finally I could understand, Oh, that's how that works.

So now I'm in this process of trying to have greater spiritual clarity in viewing the world and people and situations. And I'm noticing all sorts of things. I'm wondering about the activity of evil spirits in the lives of ordinary people and I get a few interesting people come through on my road testing.

One day I have a delightful client from Australia. After a great chat and at the end of the test she tells me that she directs all the planned parenthood clinics in West Michigan. The disconnect between our nice time and the murder of thousands of innocents shakes me. Then the Holy Spirit whispers, “mark this”

The same day I test a very interesting young man who I have a great conversation with and it turns out that he is Mormon, recently back from his 2 year mission. I've studied and written about Mormonism and understand the great spiritual deception of it's history and present and I think a little about it as we talk. I am not prompted to engage in any discussion related to that but the Holy Spirit once again whispers, “mark this.”

I have a client who fails on the first part of their test and there is a computer glitch which slightly alters my schedule and I was a little perturbed about losing a test slot. I take the free time to head to the office and close my eyes to get 40 winks. When I get back there has been an accident on the street where we leave the parking lot and there are police cruisers, ambulances, a fire truck and as I walk closer I see a man with a bloody face and paramedics doing chest compressions on him. It turns out it was a 51 year old man who was doing a wheelie with his motorcycle at 60 mph from the nearby traffic signal who hits a car coming out of our parking lot, killing the man and sending his bike another 50 yards. I realize the next day that if I had a client at the correct time it could well have been our car that was hit by that motorcycle. I mark this as well.

I've had people that I know are struggling with spiritual deception come to mind during my prayer time and I've named some of the darkness’s that have popped into my mind then and prayed against those. I could go on with a lot more examples but the point is at this time that I'm still putting the pieces together and am very interested to see where it all will lead.

Here is a scripture from the first chapter of Ephesians that grabbed my attention. In it Paul prays:

(May) the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, give to you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of Him.

(May) the eyes of your heart be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints,

and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe. There are in accordance with the working of the strength of His might

which He brought about in Christ, when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places,

far above all rule and authority and power and dominion and every named that is named, not only is this age but also in the age to come.

And He put all things in subjection under His feet, and gave Him as head over the church,

which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all.

 

Donde Est Oswaldo?

Like many puzzles this trip in search of Oswaldo is a composite of my recent adventures driving around Wyoming.

We leave the parking lot after waiting about 5 minutes for the traffic to totally clear, that is, no visible moving cars for at least a mile in any direction.  We take a right turn at about 1/10th a mile an hour, making sure to run over the curb by at least 5 feet.  I instruct the person to turn right at the next street and as we are approaching the street she points at it and says "Here?" as she is driving past it.  By the time we get to the third street past the one I originally intended her to turn on we finally manage to turn into the residential area, at 1/10th a mile an hour, onto the left side of the street, and proceed on the left side as if the world really was beautiful and we had no cares at all.  I gauze longingly out the window but do not see Oswaldo.

After awhile we get to 28th street and I see a woman walking along on the sidewalk who I would describe as "not really thin".  She is wearing black stretch pants with the word " LOVE" emblazoned across the bottom of her bum.  As she walks the L and E are wildly bouncing up and down.  This is not pretty but sure is interesting and I think that Oswaldo must surely be somewhere near by.  Alas, no.

Later on we are about to make a right hand turn at a light but must stop to let a pedestrian finish walking across the intersection.  I tell the driver that rule number 7 for taking a driving test is to never to hit a pedestrian.  She asks, "Is that really a rule?" and I say "Sure"  A little later I add,  "And you know what rule number 1 is?  Don't hit the driver examiner in the parking lot."  I really wanted to add that the State provides two booklets for passing the driving test.  One is called WHAT EVERY DRIVER SHOULD KNOW and the other is called HOW TO PASS YOUR DRIVING TEST.  But driving examiners have authored their own booklet called RULES THAT LET STUPID PEOPLE STILL PASS THEIR TEST.  However, I thought I spotted Oswaldo behind a lamp pole and got distracted.

I ask the driver if she is still attending school and she tells me that she is going to a police academy this summer and that later on she wants to study law enforcement and become a K9 officer.  After agreeing that is a wonderful idea I add that few people know that there are K10 officers who use pigs instead of dogs. A pre-requirement for getting into the program is that you have to come from the country and been involved in 4H.  "Pigs actually have a better sense of smell that dogs" I tell her.  "The only problem is that sometimes officers become a little embarrassed when the pigs stick their heads out the cruiser windows, tongues hanging out and going 'WEE, WEE, WEE!' ".  At this point the driver was either trying to slap me but more likely was attempting to point out where she thought Oswaldo was.

We are about ready to get on the freeeway and she asks if the highway speed here is 70.  "I really need to drive careful on the freeway" she says to herself.  Helpfully I tell her that is a good idea and that I don't even tell any jokes while taking people on the highway.  "Wouldn't want anyone to crack up on the freeway."  Not cracking up she agrees that yes, it really is important to concentrate here.  We have a nice excursion at 52 mph but I do not spot Oswaldo.  Perhaps he was in one of the 100 cars that speed past us, left side, right side those 2 miles.

Getting off the freeway and on our way back I ask the required question about what would be the safest object to hit if she went off the road and had to choose something.  Because she was stumbling with the answer I add, "Would it be better to hit a tree or a bush?"  She tells me that she certainly wouldn't hit a bush.  "And why not?" I ask.  "Because there might be someone hiding in that bush." she tells me.  Of course.  It must be Oswaldo!