Donde Est Oswaldo?

Like many puzzles this trip in search of Oswaldo is a composite of my recent adventures driving around Wyoming.

We leave the parking lot after waiting about 5 minutes for the traffic to totally clear, that is, no visible moving cars for at least a mile in any direction.  We take a right turn at about 1/10th a mile an hour, making sure to run over the curb by at least 5 feet.  I instruct the person to turn right at the next street and as we are approaching the street she points at it and says "Here?" as she is driving past it.  By the time we get to the third street past the one I originally intended her to turn on we finally manage to turn into the residential area, at 1/10th a mile an hour, onto the left side of the street, and proceed on the left side as if the world really was beautiful and we had no cares at all.  I gauze longingly out the window but do not see Oswaldo.

After awhile we get to 28th street and I see a woman walking along on the sidewalk who I would describe as "not really thin".  She is wearing black stretch pants with the word " LOVE" emblazoned across the bottom of her bum.  As she walks the L and E are wildly bouncing up and down.  This is not pretty but sure is interesting and I think that Oswaldo must surely be somewhere near by.  Alas, no.

Later on we are about to make a right hand turn at a light but must stop to let a pedestrian finish walking across the intersection.  I tell the driver that rule number 7 for taking a driving test is to never to hit a pedestrian.  She asks, "Is that really a rule?" and I say "Sure"  A little later I add,  "And you know what rule number 1 is?  Don't hit the driver examiner in the parking lot."  I really wanted to add that the State provides two booklets for passing the driving test.  One is called WHAT EVERY DRIVER SHOULD KNOW and the other is called HOW TO PASS YOUR DRIVING TEST.  But driving examiners have authored their own booklet called RULES THAT LET STUPID PEOPLE STILL PASS THEIR TEST.  However, I thought I spotted Oswaldo behind a lamp pole and got distracted.

I ask the driver if she is still attending school and she tells me that she is going to a police academy this summer and that later on she wants to study law enforcement and become a K9 officer.  After agreeing that is a wonderful idea I add that few people know that there are K10 officers who use pigs instead of dogs. A pre-requirement for getting into the program is that you have to come from the country and been involved in 4H.  "Pigs actually have a better sense of smell that dogs" I tell her.  "The only problem is that sometimes officers become a little embarrassed when the pigs stick their heads out the cruiser windows, tongues hanging out and going 'WEE, WEE, WEE!' ".  At this point the driver was either trying to slap me but more likely was attempting to point out where she thought Oswaldo was.

We are about ready to get on the freeeway and she asks if the highway speed here is 70.  "I really need to drive careful on the freeway" she says to herself.  Helpfully I tell her that is a good idea and that I don't even tell any jokes while taking people on the highway.  "Wouldn't want anyone to crack up on the freeway."  Not cracking up she agrees that yes, it really is important to concentrate here.  We have a nice excursion at 52 mph but I do not spot Oswaldo.  Perhaps he was in one of the 100 cars that speed past us, left side, right side those 2 miles.

Getting off the freeway and on our way back I ask the required question about what would be the safest object to hit if she went off the road and had to choose something.  Because she was stumbling with the answer I add, "Would it be better to hit a tree or a bush?"  She tells me that she certainly wouldn't hit a bush.  "And why not?" I ask.  "Because there might be someone hiding in that bush." she tells me.  Of course.  It must be Oswaldo!