Meltdown

Jackie and I worked at the same test location Friday. As it turned out Jackie was able to be finished with her last client just before I was to start mine so she positioned my last client at the proper spot and did the vehicle inspection for me.

While working on sweet little Daijanae's paperwork I noticed that this eighteen year old was dressed with big healed black boots that had black straps winding around her legs all the way up to her very short skirt which matched her skimpy low cut top and big hair. Her left arm was completely covered with an interesting tattoo. Later on I mentioned to my dear wife that she was dressed "interestingly". Jackie had a different adjective. I think it was something like "slutty".

After her mother gets out of the car and sits in a chair that sets next to our shed I give Daijanae the instructions for the parking lot portion of the test. On the forward stop she is only about an inch short so I do not deduct any points. When Daijanae begins the first backup section she starts turning too early and then trys working me to begin again.

"Can I go back to the line and start again?" she asks. "Sure" I say. "Just remember that each time you go forward after reverse it will be a point against you." Daijanae then points to the first cone she will have to back around and acts like she didn't understand where she was supposed to go. I give her the instructions again for that portion of the test and Daijanae actually makes the right adjustment and squeezes around the cone missing it by perhaps by the width of a piece of paper. No points there but she backs too far into the space and the rear of her car goes past the back line and she gets a couple of points for that.

One can get up to six points and still pass the parking lot portion so Daijanae has a lot of space to work with while doing the parallel park exercise. She positions her car in a good position but backs in to shallow. She asks me if she can start over. I tell her "Sure, just remember that each time you go forward after reverse if will be a point against you."

Instead of going out of the space and trying to back in further Daijanae turns her wheel right, pulls forward, getting the front end of her car in the space but leaving the back of her car outside. This is usually a fatal mistake and sure enough she does not recover from it. Three times she repeats the maneuver, backing up, going forward at a slightly greater angle, each time leaving the back of her car farther outside the space, a couple of times hitting the cones that mark the lines.

While Daijanae keeps doing this I walk over to her mom to help her understand that this will not end up well for her daughter. Little did I guess what would happen next.

Daijanae jams her car in reverse, plows over the back line of cones, jams her car into drive and Dukes of Hazzard style squeals out of the parallel parking space, does a 360 around the test area, sets herself up again for the parallel park, jams her car in reverse, plows over the back set of cones again which are now lying flat, jams her car into drive, squeals out of the space again, does another 360 at lightning speed and then heads toward where I am standing with her mother and parks the car next to us.

She then lets out a bloodcurdling scream, gets out of her car, slams the door and while still screaming at the top of her lungs punches our shed a couple of time. Apparently not yet satisfied Daijanae then walks around her car, screaming and kicking her auto with those black big healed boots - 6 times!

All of this does not seem to faze her mama one bit. I explain to the mom through the incredible din that the test is now over, what her daughter could do better the next time and what they need to do to reschedule. At this point I walk over and start to put the cones and poles on our dolly. Daijanae, who is now sitting all fore lorn on the asphalt next to her car looks up and asks if she can PLEASE start over.

I calmly inform her that the State does not allow restarts but the thought actually runs through my brain that no man in his right mind would right now want to be any where near that lady and her car.

This whole scene did not go unnoticed. A guy riding a bike pulls up next to me and says; "I take it she didn't pass?" And I respond; "You think?" He tells me I'm lucky we did not get to go out driving.

Then I notice that there is a large group of the various minority factions from around the world that come to practice their parking skills after we leave. There are Hispanics, men and woman from Burma, Nepal and gosh knows where else. When I look their way they all break out laughing.

Daijanah and her moma drive off, I finish putting the cones, poles and chair away and get into the car with Jackie. We just look at each other before she smiles and says; "Glad that was your test!"