Beaver Kills Fisherman

There it was, number two news headline May 30th on Yahoo between Pizza delivery guy does the unthinkable and Former child star gives 7 reasons why her peers are so screwed up later in life.  When I saw Beaver kills fisherman it sent a cold chill down my spine.  I actually put both of my hands to the side of my wide eyed face and yelled - Noooooooooooooooooo!

The story started out innocently enough.  A 60 year old fisherman from Belarus wanted to get his picture taken with what he assumed was a friendly though wild beaver.  From there it didn't take long for things to get ugly.  Beaver takes exception, bites fisherman with teeth that have taken down 24" diameter trees in about a minute, severs at least one important artery and fisherman bleeds to death.

This greatly concerns me on several different levels.  Here we have an event that could be a watershed moment in the history of our planet and yet Yahoo decides by it's placement that a pizza story is more important.  Now I am both frightened and confused.  Civilization as we know it may be coming to an end and our news organizations either don't comprehend what is happening or don't care.  Meanwhile we the public are diverted from the real danger by worring about what the pizza guy might be doing.

Listen, I know a little something about beavers.  Don't laugh.  My ancestors were involved in the fur trade and fortunes have been made and lost with respect to that little beast.  I am aware of the dangers of getting too close to one without being fully prepared.  Even big brawny mountain men who in the past have trapped them almost out of existence have been known to turn to mush in their presence.  Beavers have done what beavers have done for thousands of years.  In return we trap them or destroy their annoying dams but to be safe we have tried not to upset the natural order of things.

Yet now the tables may be turning.  It all begins with one not wanting to show that big toothy smile while being hugged by a smelly old man.  It bites, he bleeds, the antagonist dies and the beaver senses something new.  "Power to the beaver" it thinks.  And I think - first they came for the fisherman, and I wasn't a fisherman so I did nothing.  Then they came for the trapper, and I wasn't a trapper, so I did nothing.  Finally they found me, descendant of their ancient nemesis, and I was napping, so I did nothing.

Friends, after me you may be next on the beaver's hit list.  ABC, CBS and CNN won't tell you.  NBC doesn't want you to know.  Fox knows but those gorgeous blonds don't talk beaver.  Stewart talks beaver but gets greatly confused.  Jay Carney never heard about it.  The Huffington Post came up with the pizza story, Yahoo (the internet) picked up the pizza story and gave it top billing and  Drudge and Politico think they have better things to expose.  That leaves talk radio.  Grab your cotton balls and smelling salts and check it out before the beavers shut them down.