Phidallywhomp!

I intend to deconstruct time as I know it. First thing to go are improper attitudes and platitudes, sure-fire obstacles to free flight in the Zorwellian vortex. Shh, did I mention Zorwellian? My mistake, doesn't exist. You didn't hear it here. What I meant to say will not be said.

Next to go are wallsies and wormholes, miserable mind-sucking, shoe dragging tumors in an otherwise pleasant day. Won't miss them one bit I won't. I'll follow up with a scoop of queen dream seam cream, available with a special coupon from the nearest Wall Mart. Not called that at Wall Mart but you understand this isn't necessarily a recipe for success. For me, yes. For you, no.

There then has to be some type of void compressor, calibrated to .0000008 to the negative 20^th power (or so). Note: This does not have to be a machine. It just has to be accurate. Wouldn't want to end up between some wall in Matrixville would I? Again, for me, definitively not. For you, maybe. Watch your back.

Some guy said that you can double down on Einstein's relativity, not on the gravity portion but on the universality of the speed of light. Example – Under special circumstances, precisely what might have been immediately after the Big Bang, heat was so intense that all matter traveled faster than light up to an infinite factor until things cooled down and space time expands at a regular clip. Translation: God didn't make the universe to look old. It's just a lot less older. A lot.

The hourglass masters can't really pursue this because, well, just between you and me, there is no money in being a heretic. As one of them said so eloquently, “I would just have to quit”. Come on. There's no quitting in time management. It's fun because it makes you squirm. Toughen up!

Got my master blaster, took aim, disappeared t h r o u g h a h o l e help!

Well, I have to go. Time's a wasting. Tick Tock, Spricket Spock, got to wind the looney clock. If you get there before I do tell all my friends that I'm a coming too.