This Ain't That Bad

I think it was W.C. Fields who wanted it put into his movie contracts that he wouldn't have to appear with either children or dogs because they would steal each scene they appeared in.

Neither Jackie or I are dog people, and that holds true for most of our kids as well.  That being said, if any one of us happens to visit someone who has a dog, that large furry creature with his huge saliva coated tongue is sure to make a leaping beeline toward us, even if there happen to be 20 other people in the room.

That has been my lot in life.  More enjoyable however is the fact that almost all children seem to love me as well.  All except my niece Holly's little two year old Lauren.

The first time Lauren laid eyes on me as an infant she screamed.  Every time after, no matter what mood she was in, if she spotted me she would start to cry.  Before the big family Christmas gathering last winter her mom talked to Lauren and told her that Uncle Bob would be there and that everything would be OK and that she didn't have to cry or be worried about anything.

I talked to Lauren a  few times that night and she looked right at me and didn't cry or even try to hold onto Holly's leg or anything like that.  She did give me the look from her eyes that said; "I'm being good and you may have fooled my mom but you better watch your step Bud."

The next couple of times we met she acted fine but then last week, boom, as soon as she saw me she started crying.  This is a challenge where I'm sure one day we will be buds, but not yet.

Did a road test for a 20 year old guy last week named Melvin.  At a very slender 6'2" Melvin had a shaggy goatee, cornrows in his hair and a Bob Marley thing going on with his pony tail.  I asked him what he did for work and Melvin told me he worked with children.

"So you must really love kids" I started.  "Well, not at first.  They're just like dogs:  Dirty, smelly, loud, run around all the time and always jumping on you.  Dogs and kids seem to love me though so I'm getting use to it."

I tell Melvin how dogs love me as well and then ask him, "I gather you don't have a dog?"

"My mother recently gave me a Pit Bull.  I told her - Take it back!  I don't want it!  But she wouldn't take it back.  That first week I didn't talk to it, I didn't feed it, I didn't wash it.  My brother did though.  After a week I'm laying in bed and that Pit Bull jumps into bed and snuggles right up next to me.  It was then that I thought, hey, this ain't that bad!"

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!  Maybe one day Lauren will see me coming and think, "Hey, he ain't that bad!"