Thursday, December 1, 2011

Oh My Crazy Cousins


Someone once said, not to long ago on my Facebook in fact, that cousins are the first friends we have and that no one understands us like our crazy family. That led me to think; what do I really know about some of them? Is the past a clue to the present? Sure, like me they are crazy, but why? It got me thinking about the Van Lente clan.

While still a young man my Uncle Dale traveled to the far away kingdom of Vermont where he fell in love with the princess Ann. Dale met Ann at a wedding given by the powerful Lord Boston. But evil Lord Vermont, secretly in love with Ann, was jealous of the attention Dale was paying to her and so he locked Ann away, deep in the salt mines of the Green Mountains.

Ann, who was charming, beautiful and very sophisticated, was no stranger to hard work. Her earlier hardy farm life upbringing inspired her to stay busy, making little silver spoons that were to be used in the crystal salt dishes that were the pride of the kingdom.

One day Dale devised a plan. Dressed in flowing black pants, plaid shirt, black kerchief and hat, he snuck past the unsuspecting guards, aided by the silence his wooden shoes provided on the salty ground. “Ann, I love you and I want to take you away from all of this” were Dale's earnest first words after finding her dark and chilly cell.

“I love you too” replied Ann. “But I don't know if I can leave, you know, - the crystal - the silver - the cute little salt elves.” Eventually Dale's rugged good looks, his quick wit, and his funny clothes convinced Ann to escape with him and travel back to Dale's homeland along side the Big Lake.

They got married and had two golden haired daughters, Katrina and Gretel. Ann would not let the girls cut their beautiful hair, and every night she would stroke their ankle length locks 100 times through with an antique wooden comb, nicknamed “Perseverance”.

As the oldest Katrina embraced the arts. She didn't just play the horn, she played - The French Horn. I remember seeing her, sitting on a stone bench under their grape arbor, dressed in the area's traditional garb, Lake Michigan breezes blowing through her long braided hair, with eyes closed, playing that twisted instrument. If you straightened the brass and Katrina called out “R I C O L A”, nothing would have seemed out of place.

And then there is Gretel, dear Gretel. She would sit for hours on her piano bench, playing with the wood and brass metronome, saying “Zero One, Zero One” or some combination of the two.

Her family lived in a house that was over 100 years old. One dark and stormy night when Dale and Ann were gone, leaving the girls alone with Katrina in charge, the electricity went out. Katrina lighted an old vesper candle and gingerly descended into the dark and damp old cellar, looking for the fuse box. Gretel went to the cellar doorway and said in a low voice; “Who dares enter my domain”, creating the desired effect on her sister.

Anyway, I wish I could tell you that they turned out normal, but then I would have to embellish the truth a bit.

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