The above is a working title for a book I will be writing about my 20 years experience as a examiner for people taking their driving test. I can see it being sold at the offices of organizations that conduct driving tests. Someone comes in to sign up, are a bit nervous about being able to pass, see the book and think, oh yeah, I could use any help I can get. And if that doesn't get them then maybe the implied humor of the title will. Which is good because, although I will provide a list of driving test do's and don'ts, the book will be a lot more about humor than about driving.
If it sells then maybe I'll get it translated into Spanish. That would be a big market although I'm not sure how the humor will come across. Unfortunately for me there is not only one African or one Asian language. I could incorporated hand gestures - but it wouldn't be the same.
The title came into my head in the middle of last night after having a dream about beginning to work on a project I knew nothing about and a guy says to me; "Why don't you just start on something you already know?" I woke up and realized that doing writing and driving tests is what I know and now is probably a good as time as any to get started on that book. Beginning this year I've already cut back to testing only 3 days a week so I might as well take advantage of the available time.
Which brings to mind a person that came in for a test yesterday. The only English he seemed to know was a smile and a nodding of his head, which was about the extent of his translator's English as well. He drives in, I walk up to his car and motion for him to roll down his window, introduce myself and ask to see his permit.
Middle age Kami smiles, nods his head yes and does nothing. "I need to see your permit" I repeat slowly and a look of understanding crosses his face and he presents me with the information sheet that our office hands out when a person makes an appointment. I shake my head no, give the sheet back to him and repeat "DRIVING PERMIT" while putting my hands on an imaginary steering wheel and turning it right and left.
"Ah!" exclaims Kami. He gets out his wallet, looks through every part of it, handing me in turn his state ID, his voter registration card, a picture of some nice lady and finally a tightly folded white paper out of one of the inside pockets which is indeed his driving permit.
That settled I ask to see his vehicle registration and proof of insurance. Kami does not understand what I am asking for until I again turn the imaginary steering wheel and point to his glove box. He and the "translator" scour through it and they first hand me a pink sheet of paper which is the application for vehicle title and registration that one gets when they buy a car, Next I'm handed the vehicle title, followed by a utility bill and on and on. At last out of nowhere they do produce first the insurance and a bit later the registration, both of which are actually up to date.
When I do the vehicle inspection Kami and the translator figure out I mean horn when I push my hand on an imaginary one and say "beep", do not catch on to the turn signals until I reach through the car window to move the signal rod up and I don't have to worry about Kami understanding "put your foot on the brake" because the entire time it has never left the brake.
When I am reading the instructions for how the parking lot portion of the test works Kami puts the car into drive and begins to go forward. He evidently knows what he thinks I am going to tell him and would like to now demonstrate his ability to master it. At this point I stop him and try to see if perhaps there is another person coming who can translate. It would be one thing for me in the parking lot to point with my finger which section to do but a totally different thing to get out on the road with someone and not be able to have them understand when I want them to safely lane change or do an urgent STOP if the need arises.
The test ends there. As the title suggests, I really would like them to pass the test, just not at my expense. Perhaps advice number 7 in my new book will be - If you can't read this you must bring a translator who can.
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