Knowing God

It was all a mystery
too big to comprehend
too vast in the smallness
and in the invisibility of it all
how could I stake a claim

For many nights I lay awake
trying to understand the smoke and mirrors
Death, or more simply, fear of Death
the awareness of no more awareness
that was the common denominator
in all religions

OK, if that was it then that was it
I could live without all the fear trappings
do my best, live peaceably, don't rock the boat

But then one day I met her
full of life, full of faith, and best yet
she laughed at all my crazy jokes
but her family had this strange belief
that when they prayed about something
they actually expected to be heard

But I could not claim something out of nothing
believe what I could not grasp
walk on choppy waters

It started with a thought
logic presented this argument
If there was a God, what ever that meant
and If that God was in the vastness and the smallness
and If that God in some way created, or designed or knew me
then it only followed that this God must have a will for me
and that life would work out much better
if I knew what that will was

Thus I challenged the confounding emptiness
reveal yourself and I will follow
I waited and got what I expected - NOTHING

And yet - in the next few months - my world shook
He began to speak to me though testimonies of divine power
each time I had a question it was answered in the strangest way
the word began to speak and the depth of joy began to pull
and I could see the path but knew not how to walk it

Again I challenged
reveal yourself and I will follow
I waited, this time full of hope
then sighed a deep sigh at the nothingness

At this point friend, He took me by the hand
which opened His word, which spoke to the deepest part
showing the soft gate to the endless trail

Now, on my knees, I confessed all my rebellion
and promised allegiance to the still invisible something
and asked that He would renew my heart
fill me with the power of His Spirit
and be the Lord of my life

As I began to yield my tongue to a new language
His presence filled me to the deepest part
and I knew, for the first time, so sure
I could never doubt or question the reality
that God, in all His unsearchable majesty
knows me, loves me, and is worthy of my praise

Nineteen seventy-two has long passed
His presence remains and my greatest joy
is found in being lost in worshiping the One
who has proven faithful at every corner
through the joys of life and the despairs of death
who still holds my hand and gently leads me on