Snake Oil Salesman

Snake oil salesman
give me that bottle
cures all what's wrong
puts your foot on the throttle

mother's arthritis
father's thrombosis
sell me another
it handles the mosses

you've got the wagon
love all your patter
need to get better now
sooner than later

heard the loud trumpet
danced to the jingle
bright flashing lights
made my little heart tingle

one for a quarter
two for a dollar
needed even more when
I heard that dude holler

look at this stranger
says he's all better'
swears to the cure
in a registered letter

warts from the border
crud from the sea
can get it all off you
and do it for free

bad junk from china
so stupid you know
it'll stop montezumas
from old mexico

this stuff is fantastic
some say it's the greatest
just one little dab
and your gout's on hiatus

see all these people
neighbors and friends
all so excited for
means to the end

soon he is leaving
stock is all gone
got the last bottle
am singing my song

took out a teaspoon
poured on like glue
then held tight my nose
to the ungodly brew

now stuck in bed
too hot then I freeze
it seems stinky cure
is much worse than disease

I thought I could trust him
he sure brought the fire
to all who had doubted
he called liar liar

but now I am short
both pride and my dollar
less free than before
with my neck in a collar

they sent out the sheriff
though the wagons left here
to another nice burg
where they'll stand there and cheer

and so friends I offer
a small piece of advice
don't trust your sweet hopes
to the captain of vice