Thursday, December 13, 2012

Mayan Calendar Miscalculation


Oops! Perhaps the world is not going to end on 12/21/12 after all. Researchers at MIT Community College have uncovered a shocking new development that relates to the interpretation of Mayan glyphs that directly affects precisely how one should read the soft limestone artifacts purporting to be their universal calendar.

It seems that back in 1961 when the stone pieces were first discovered the archeology team responsible for excavating the particular calendar section of glyphs from the ruins of Building number 17 had no idea what information the pieces conveyed. Centuries of jungle growth, mold and dirt did not allow for any accurate type of photography so the ancient writings needed to be transported to a location back in Mexico City where they could be carefully cleaned, analyzed and preserved.

From his death bed last month Chas Gilligan Johnson, who at the time was a student apprentice working on the project for the Mayan Guppy project, told this story through his girl friend Mary Ann for the first time.

As the pieces were chiseled out of the base limestone and carefully placed on the wooden donkey cart he accidentally bumped the cart causing all of the stone pieces to fall off. He then tripped over the pile thus scattering and chipping most of the lot. Without informing the project's Captain he put them back together as best he could. They had found and transported hundreds of other stone pieces with this strange and then indecipherable pictorial imagery and Chas thought that overall his little mistake would not make any difference. He was going to take his secret to the grave but in the end he wanted to go out with a clear conscience.

Dr. Antiono Gesiepe-Riveria Gonzalez, the original MIT professor credited with deciphering the Mayan graphics and ferreting out the complicated code for the dating system used by the Mayan, using funding provided by a mysterious millionaire only identified as “Lovey”, had determined that pieces from Building 17 depicted what could be described as a type of dating calculator, used for establishing future advantageous times for agricultural plantings and religious ceremonies as well as a way to predict astrological signs, periods of famine, wars and catastrophes such as earthquakes, floods and even plagues. Dr. Gonzalez, who died in 2010 was the first to proclaim that this Mayan calendar ran out of time on 12/21/2012. If the calendar ran out of time it could only mean one thing - THE VERY POSSIBLE END OF THE WORLD!

The newest revelations by Chas “Little Buddy” Johnson set in motion a frantic reevaluation conducted by a top team of MIT scientists of the data first collected by the famed archeologist. They had the original limestone pieces on loan from the University of Mexico City, Cuidad Campus. Using current laser and infrared technology they were able to reassemble the pieces in the proper order and were shocked to find that these icons presented quite a different end of the world scenario than purported by Dr. Gonzalez.

At a press conference this week called by a once beautiful but now aging actress the scientists showed charts and graphs of the new findings. The calendar did not end on 12/21/12. Indeed, the images did not depict a calendar at all. It turns out that in the latest and now indisputable (by ALL the worlds scientists) analysis the following conclusion can be made.

The pieces were from a practice wall for young and upcoming stone carvers. After they had mastered chiseling the numbers 0 to 9 they would be put to work on the real parts of the massive Mayan Pyramid and Temple complex, and then when finished be sacrificed to the Jaguar god by having their still beating hearts ripped out and put on their chest. Knowing that this would be for them – THE DEFINITE END OF THE WORLD! - the young men practiced chiseling over and over – 1,2,1,2,12. One poor sucker messed up with 1,2,2,1,1,2 and the gig was up.

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