Earlier this week I was scheduled to do a driver test for a man from India who will be renting our vehicle. After waiting about 10 minutes past the scheduled time which has effectively screwed up my schedule I spot a guy who looks like he might be Indian wandering aimlessly around by some stores that are about 80 yards away from our test site. He is clutching loose papers in both hands and as he rounds the corner out of sight past the Jet's Pizza I decide this might be my guy so I take off after him in the rental.
As I close in he spots me and asks if I am Bob. I assure Nagaraja that I am indeed the right Bob and tell him to hustle into the passenger seat as we are running late. "What do you want me to do?" he asks. I tell him again to get into the passenger seat but I think to him it must have sounded like; "Get your butt into the car so we can get started!" Nagaraja finally gets said rear end into the car, I drive to the starting spot for the parking lot portion of the test, and ask Nagaraja to show me his required document from the Secretary of State as well as his International Driver's License.
"While I am looking at these documents I would like you to get into the driver's seat and adjust the seat and mirrors." I have given these same instructions hundreds of times but perhaps today my vibes were different. We get the documents done and I read the instructions for how to do the parking lot portion of the test and although Nagaraja's English seems fine he never looks at the charts that I have displayed for him and he keeps telling me "I don't understand."
You know how it's our natural tendency to speak slower and louder (and maybe even jab at the diagram more aggressively) when someone doesn't understand what you are trying to tell them? That was me. He especially cannot understand what he needs to do for the blind side backing exercise. I show him the charts again. He doesn't understand. I stand in the spot he needs to get into and tell him "I am the car. The front end faces this way and the rear end faces that way. Start with the front end facing this way and back or reverse the vehicle into this space."
He starts to drive the car God knows where and I yell; "Stop the car! Stop the car!" Then I tell him to get out of the car, walk him over to the area and tell him that "the car goes here." He points the wrong way and asks; "In this direction?" I whip up my clip board once more and explain; "Just like it shows on this picture, you start over there, you back up into this space, the front of your car faces that way and the back of your car faces the other way. If you would look at the diagram you would understand. I can't tell you how to do this but you must end up here."
Well, after starting late and wasting so much time the guy actually passes the parking lot portion. I get into the car, now about 25 minutes behind schedule, to begin the driving portion of the test and get a lecture. "You have a stern face. I am 50 years old and have been driving for 30 years and you should not treat me as a child. I am an actor but unemployed and I need this license. And I am worried that if I drive you may fail me because you do not like me." I calmly tell Nagaraja that my personal feelings will have no bearing on how he is graded and that we can get started.
We turn right out of the parking lot. There are two lanes that go to the right with a car approaching in the outside lane. Nagaraja turns out of the parking lot into the right lane then starts to fade into the left lane. I grab the steering wheel so we don't run into the other car. We turn right into a nearby residential area. Nagaraja is going 32 in a 25 zone and I tell him that he needs to stay at the speed limit or slower. We turn left at the first stop with out making a complete stop, but then he stops completely at a through intersection where we have the right of way and the side streets have stop signs. However he does not even slow down for the four way stop at the next intersection. Again we stop at a through street for no reason and roll through a stop sign turning left out of the residential area.
For obvious reasons I'm heading back early to Go at his point but that requires turning left at the next intersection. The light is green and I need to grab the steering wheel again because Nagaraja tries to turn in front of the oncoming traffic. We do make it back and I very sweetly inform him that he did not pass, explain in detail what he did wrong, and advise him that although Michigan Department of State regulations allow him to take the test again in 24 hours he would be wasting his money without first getting lessons from a trained professional.
He stares at me blankly, brown eyes and mustache not moving, with a look from that ancient land not really understood in this new world. "You mean I didn't pass?" "No, you didn't pass." "What would you advise me to do?" "Get lessons, from someone who is trained to teach driving." "But this is my 5th time taking this test. It makes me mad that young girls who know nothing can pass this test and here am I, 50 years and driving for 30 years and you do not pass me. What do you suggest I do?"
Several interesting thoughts ran through my mind at this point but over the years I've learned to control myself. I tell him that it would be cheaper for him to pay a little more first for lessons so that he would understand the rules of the road here, but that he can do whatever he wants. Nagaraja goes to the office, makes a fuss, and is scheduled to be tested by Mr. Stern Face tomorrow. Pray for me.
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